Building Resilience: Navigating Life’s Challenges
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
Everyone has a story that has brought them to where they are today or to be the person they have grown into. Every story is different and no one person’s story should ever be thought to outdo another. We all have our own thresholds and life lessons that we are here to learn. So while my story of resilience may not be the worst, it is still personal to me and what made me to the person I am today.
I don’t have to go back far to start my story.
It started back in 2016, and the year began like any other. My world revolved around either work or playing taxi to my 10-year-old daughter whether it was to get her to one of her many extracurricular activities or jetting off to hang out with her friends. Scattered in there, my husband and I would carve out time to have date nights and then I would separately work in time to meet my friends. Simple? Sure.
But then my dad got sick. It turns out he had not been feeling well for a while but didn’t want to worry any of us. But the time finally came around when he was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer of Unknown Origin is what they called it. Yeah, I had never heard of it either and by the time we went through multiple doctor’s appointments and tests, it turned out that he had 6-9 months to live. And it was on the day before my 40th birthday that I had to say goodbye as he passed peacefully while asleep.
The thing was is I had spent 6 months going nonstop, still working, taking care of my family, traveling, and taking care of him that I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself having that gaping hole. So, I did what I thought was best: I dove right back into work, being a mom, being a wife, and kept pushing forward. Because, well, why not?
Then came 2017, I worked harder than I ever had. Was I short-tempered? Sure. Did I have bouts of exhaustion? Absolutely. But now I had set a new goal for myself so why wouldn’t I be able to achieve it? The first anniversary of my dad’s death came and went and I didn’t feel any different. Then I experienced my first concussion ever. Minor for some, and actually, given the generation I grew up in where we didn’t wear helmets riding our bikes and seat belts were nonexistent, it’s surprising this was my first. The doctors told me to take two weeks off from work. I took off two days. What I considered an emergency at the office happened and in my eyes, the office couldn’t live without me. So there I was, day in and out. Dealing with headaches, and having a hard time focusing, but I was dedicated. Or so I thought.
See, it turns out that dedication was for naught when I watched promotions pass me by like sand sifting through an hourglass.
So then I got angry. But in 2018 decided I hadn’t learned any lessons yet and took my father-in-law away from us unexpectedly. By then, I was dragging myself out of bed and dreading going to work. In hindsight, was I depressed? Was it burnout? Probably a little of both.
But I didn’t slow down. I didn’t stop running around. I didn’t focus on myself because why would I deal with anything when I could just keep pushing forward? That’s what compartmentalization was right?
Wrong.
So, 2019 came in hard and fast. Ever heard the saying, “Hold my beer”? Yeah, 2019 was exactly that. I can easily say that I can make people laugh when I say “After my second concussion….” Yes, with just a little black ice amid January, I went down like an avalanche on Everest. And when I say I went down I mean I WENT DOWN (side note: it got caught on our Ring camera and was watched at least 4 times that day alone by my husband). Four months is what it took me to recover. Four months of migraines. Four months of the doctor released me to work only to pull me out when my vision or headaches came back. Four months of me crying in frustration.
The point is that resilience is our ability to navigate life’s challenges. I don’t share my story to make anyone feel sorry for me. I don’t share it so people can say that’s all she had to live with. I share this part of my life to show that life happens. We fall. We get up. Sometimes it’s easier to get up. Sometimes, it takes more. I went to grief counseling eventually. I learned to journal to get out some of my pent-up feelings. I learned to seek solace in the mundane and also to take care of myself. I learned that life is going to happen and I could either give up or push through. I learned that there are things within my control, and things outside of it.
But mainly, I learned I was made of more than I thought of, and used that strength to make necessary changes.
